Allen and Betty are WBC supported missionaries who have been associated with WBC for many years. Here are there thoughts on marriage.
What is the best thing about marriage?- There is no "one", "quick", nor "simple" answer to this question. Since it is God's plan that His creation have helpers, one for another, and since we seem to crave this companionship, we feel truly "complete" with one another, and those times that we have been separated for more than a couple days dramatically point out this truth!
What is the hardest thing about marriage?- Two are now one, so one must think for two at all times. Self must be put on the chopping block for every single decision, and sometimes this is very hard and can cause temporary difficulties (which must be resolved).
What do you think is God’s intention for marriage?- Companionship, pro-creation!
How has marriage affected the way you do evangelism?- Singles, couples, and/or families, through their inherent social status, will have (or not have) access to different sectors of society through which the Gospel may be communicated. In our case, as a family in ministry in Africa, the social structure allowed us to communicate at a much broader range than for someone that is single.
What are some of the biggest things that God has taught you about Himself through your marriage?- The entire Bible is interwoven with analogies of: marriage, family, bride, bridegroom, father, children- which all indicates to us that the Creator is a God of family (i.e. relational), and that within that structure personal sacrifice is absolutely necessary in order to maintain love, care, mutual respect, and anything else of which you might think. Therefore this teaches us how to understand that HE Himself, the Creator, is willing to forgive, love, provide for, and everything else that a good family encompasses. We would not understand this on either level (who He is, or, how family should be) had we never been married, or had we never chosen to seek and to follow Him.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Q & A with Senior Pastor Bruce Zimmerman
We have a special treat for the Becoming Mature section this month. WBC Senior Pastor Bruce Zimmerman and his wife Sheila offer their thoughts on marriage.
What is the best thing about marriage?
Sheila: The best thing about marriage is that there is somebody you can be yourself with. It is as comfortable as a pair of well-worn jeans. There is not a show to put on or pretenses to maintain. I can be exactly who I am with Bruce and he loves me.
Bruce: First thing that comes to mind is SEX! (just kidding) The best part of marriage for me is to have someone who loves me with whom to share the joys and the hurts of my life.
It has been an incredible source of strength to have each other as partners and comforters as we have faced the loss of family members especially in recent months. I also need Sheila to be a good sounding board for the way I see things and understand them. My perspective is often skewed by my own male perspective or my experiences. Sheila helps me understand things and events from a feminine and unique perspective that never would have crossed my mind.
What is the hardest thing about marriage?
Sheila: The hardest part of marriage is when Bruce is not listening or responding to me.
Bruce: The hardest part of marriage is taking the time we need to strengthen and build our marriage. Time constraints have always seemed to cramp our marriage. Whether it is the demands of pastoral ministry, hosting two small groups each week at our home, having regular dinner guests at least three times a week, the demands of being involved in the community, the demands of trying fixing up our old house and old cars, the demands of raising our teenage sons, the demands of concern for aging parents, the demands of paying for college etc., the time left for us can become hard to find if we are not disciplined and protective of the moments that we have.
But at the core of my difficulties in marriage is sin in my own heart. Selfishness and an unwillingness to be giving robs me of the very things that I want in my marriage. I think I am gaining by demanding my own ways, but in reality I am losing. It is part of the paradox of life taught by Jesus--- by giving we receive, by dying to our selves we live, by serving we are gaining, etc.
What do you think is God’s intention for marriage?
Sheila and Bruce: God's intention for marriage is to expererience oneness, that we act and function as one. Marriage is to be a reflection of who God is. I believe God intended for our marriage to reflect the character of oneness of God to our family and to others. When we are in sync with the Lord and with each other the divine reflection is clear. When we get crossways with each other the reflection of God through us is murky and clouded. I believe in this area of life, as well as in the other areas of our lives, we are to bring glory to who God is.
Has being married helped bring spiritual maturity to your life?
Bruce: Being married has helped me see myself far more accurately than ever before. Before marriage I thought of myself as an easygoing, easy to get along with kind of person. I thought being married was going to be a breeze But once I got married, I saw how selfish and self-centered I really was. I saw how much I wanted to have things done my own way. I saw how selfish I was when I would get frustrated with people I loved when they would interfere with my plans and needs. Being married has been an eye-opener to see my own sin and selfishness and to recognize the need for God to change me into the man that God intended for me to be.
What are some of the biggest things that God has taught you about Himself through your marriage?
Sheila: I thought it would be easy to be married to a sweet person, but I have had to learn to depend upon God to love my spouse who I thought I would never have problems with. God helps me love like I need to, because sometimes I just want to be naughty!
Bruce: In being married I have been shown God's grace again and again through Sheila. When I do not deserve love and care, she loves me anyway! It is humbling to recognize that I do not desrve to be loved at all because I have been a real stinker, but I am loved because Sheila chooses to love me because of her love for me. God has shown me the way that He loves me through my marriage. god's love like Sheila's is an expression of grace upon grace. I do not deserve the love of God but He loves me even when I am a "stinker" too. He loves me, not because I deserve it, but because He is a loving God. Just as Sheila is committed to loving me, I reminded that nothing I do can ever can separate me from the love of Christ. Sheila has shown me awesome godly grace in the way that she loves me. She is an incredible love.
Do you recommend for people to attend the Love and Respect Marriage Conference here at WBC?
Bruce: I believe that the Love and Respect Conference will be of a great benefit to our marriage. We are privileged to have these kinds of resources at our disposal to build and strengthen our marriages and homes. I have known several people who have greatly benefitted from attending this conference in other locations. We want to keep growing and learning how to have a more meaningful and healthy relationship as a married couple.
What is the best thing about marriage?
Sheila: The best thing about marriage is that there is somebody you can be yourself with. It is as comfortable as a pair of well-worn jeans. There is not a show to put on or pretenses to maintain. I can be exactly who I am with Bruce and he loves me.
Bruce: First thing that comes to mind is SEX! (just kidding) The best part of marriage for me is to have someone who loves me with whom to share the joys and the hurts of my life.
It has been an incredible source of strength to have each other as partners and comforters as we have faced the loss of family members especially in recent months. I also need Sheila to be a good sounding board for the way I see things and understand them. My perspective is often skewed by my own male perspective or my experiences. Sheila helps me understand things and events from a feminine and unique perspective that never would have crossed my mind.
What is the hardest thing about marriage?
Sheila: The hardest part of marriage is when Bruce is not listening or responding to me.
Bruce: The hardest part of marriage is taking the time we need to strengthen and build our marriage. Time constraints have always seemed to cramp our marriage. Whether it is the demands of pastoral ministry, hosting two small groups each week at our home, having regular dinner guests at least three times a week, the demands of being involved in the community, the demands of trying fixing up our old house and old cars, the demands of raising our teenage sons, the demands of concern for aging parents, the demands of paying for college etc., the time left for us can become hard to find if we are not disciplined and protective of the moments that we have.
But at the core of my difficulties in marriage is sin in my own heart. Selfishness and an unwillingness to be giving robs me of the very things that I want in my marriage. I think I am gaining by demanding my own ways, but in reality I am losing. It is part of the paradox of life taught by Jesus--- by giving we receive, by dying to our selves we live, by serving we are gaining, etc.
What do you think is God’s intention for marriage?
Sheila and Bruce: God's intention for marriage is to expererience oneness, that we act and function as one. Marriage is to be a reflection of who God is. I believe God intended for our marriage to reflect the character of oneness of God to our family and to others. When we are in sync with the Lord and with each other the divine reflection is clear. When we get crossways with each other the reflection of God through us is murky and clouded. I believe in this area of life, as well as in the other areas of our lives, we are to bring glory to who God is.
Has being married helped bring spiritual maturity to your life?
Bruce: Being married has helped me see myself far more accurately than ever before. Before marriage I thought of myself as an easygoing, easy to get along with kind of person. I thought being married was going to be a breeze But once I got married, I saw how selfish and self-centered I really was. I saw how much I wanted to have things done my own way. I saw how selfish I was when I would get frustrated with people I loved when they would interfere with my plans and needs. Being married has been an eye-opener to see my own sin and selfishness and to recognize the need for God to change me into the man that God intended for me to be.
What are some of the biggest things that God has taught you about Himself through your marriage?
Sheila: I thought it would be easy to be married to a sweet person, but I have had to learn to depend upon God to love my spouse who I thought I would never have problems with. God helps me love like I need to, because sometimes I just want to be naughty!
Bruce: In being married I have been shown God's grace again and again through Sheila. When I do not deserve love and care, she loves me anyway! It is humbling to recognize that I do not desrve to be loved at all because I have been a real stinker, but I am loved because Sheila chooses to love me because of her love for me. God has shown me the way that He loves me through my marriage. god's love like Sheila's is an expression of grace upon grace. I do not deserve the love of God but He loves me even when I am a "stinker" too. He loves me, not because I deserve it, but because He is a loving God. Just as Sheila is committed to loving me, I reminded that nothing I do can ever can separate me from the love of Christ. Sheila has shown me awesome godly grace in the way that she loves me. She is an incredible love.
Do you recommend for people to attend the Love and Respect Marriage Conference here at WBC?
Bruce: I believe that the Love and Respect Conference will be of a great benefit to our marriage. We are privileged to have these kinds of resources at our disposal to build and strengthen our marriages and homes. I have known several people who have greatly benefitted from attending this conference in other locations. We want to keep growing and learning how to have a more meaningful and healthy relationship as a married couple.
Q & A with Worship Leader Corey Thedford
Corey Thedford serves WBC by helping lead worship in the Sunday services. He and His wife Heidi offer their thoughts on marriage in the following interview. They decided to work together to answer the questions together with one collective answer.
What is the hardest thing about marriage? The hardest thing about marriage is having that same friend hurt you and lose your trust in them.
What do you think is God’s intention for marriage? He wants us to become one flesh and have a relationship with each other centered on Him.
How has marriage affected your worship (music) of God? Through the bumps in our marriage we have learned to fully rely on God.
What are some of the biggest things that God has taught you about Himself through your marriage? That He is there for you always, especially when you are broken and need Him the most. He has taught us that we are not perfect and that we are to truly forgive each other for our mistakes. (Isaiah 43:25) “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and remembers your sins no more.” If He can forgive us of our transgressions and not remember our sins, then how can we not forgive our loved ones of their transgressions against us.
Do you recommend for people to attend the Love and Respect Marriage Conference here at WBC? Don’t know if we can refer people to this conference as we have not attended it ourselves. That being said all classes at WBC that we have been to are great. If this course centers marriage on God then I would fully recommend it to anyone. The only way to have successful marriage is through Him.
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